Friday Satire: Health Benefits of Silver, Copper and Rhodium

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In the spirit of recent advice doled out to the metals community ranging from those getting married to those who steal scrap based upon ill-advised criteria we thought we’d shed light on a different sector this Friday the health care sphere.

Dr. Jeffrey Lewis is a self-described “regular guy whose website enthusiastically extols the virtues of silver investment (“Are you curious about buying silver coins to protect you and your family’s wealth against the ravages of inflation?). Although the origin or context of his degree is unknown — is he a doctor of silver? PhD in Ag? Lewis recently published an article about how silver has found its way into a number of health-care applications including bandages.

“The bandages are naturally more expensive–$.75 vs. $.07 for regular bandages”but the advantages are numerous, he writes. “Most importantly, MRSA [bacteria that causes infection] is expensive to treat, but bandages which cost only 75 cents are not expensive in the least.

Lewis continues, “A new company promises that their silver-infused mattresses can kill dust mites, reduce allergens, and improve your quality of sleep.

On that note, MetalMiner just got wind of another company bringing a new product to the market that also involves an in-demand metal and can vastly improve one’s quality of life.

Evacua LLC, recently subsumed by McNeil PPC and known as an industry leader in formulating consumer-driven gastrointestinal solutions, recently announced Rhodium Imodium®, a revolutionary extra-strength stool hardener.

Due to the unique properties of rhodium it’s one of the hardest metals on the face of the earth the benefits to consumers are inarguable. Of course, the metal is so pricey (hovering around $2000 per ounce) that the company can only afford to produce a limited run.

“Sure, the retail price for a box of Rhodium Imodium® is $795, but wouldn’t you want the world’s priciest metal flowing through your system? said Evacua CEO Ronald Stopgap in a conference call. “That’s definitely something you can take to the bank.

On the cost side, just as with the silver bandages and MRSA, the tradeoff is clear: pay a bit more for rhodium up front, and stave off a much more costly treatment later. After all, reports indicate that sufferers will have to ingest this miracle drug only once, ever.

–Taras Berezowsky

Disclaimer: The second half of this post is purely horse pucky — any companies, names and products mentioned are purely fictional.

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